Oh man... I don't even know how to start or what to say. I have so much on my mind and I just don't know how to express all my thoughts into words. My life has just been beyond wonderful and I am just so grateful for the opportunity that this transformation has given me, the opportunity to find the true me, the confident me.
So, let's start off with some great news... I stepped on the scale on Tuesday and saw a number I had been dying to see, one that took me quite the struggle to get to. I am officially down 50.2 pounds since I first started WW at the beginning of March. This number was so big for me, it was a number that meant a change I had yet to achieve. The first time I did WW I gave up right before reaching 50 pounds lost, I struggled and kept bouncing at the scale, I would gain more than I could lose. Well this time I still struggled and boy it was hard! I made it though... I conquered the battle of getting over that big hill! The week before Thanksgiving I was 1.6 pounds away from reaching 50 pounds lost. I thought to myself, "no big deal, I can lose that in 2 weeks." I knew I was going to join a gym soon, it was getting harder for me to run in the colder weather, so that would boost my weight loss. Well, I did not lose the first week, which was expected. I had kicked up my workouts and started resistance training. With this came an added muscle gain, so I gained 1.8 pounds, totally expected but, I then expected a huge loss the next week. So, I lost 2.2 pounds but, gained the next week, lost then gained and man I was not happy. With the help of my WW leader, we came up with a plan to trick my body into losing again. The body hates losing weight, it makes the mind think that you are dying and goes into survival mode, hence the yo-yo of weight. We decided to add one cheat meal and increase my protein to fuel the muscle I am gaining. (That was a tricky thing for me, I am not a huge meat eater, and had to find some other forms of protein to enjoy.) So we went on with this plan and it worked! I lost 1.4 pounds the first week and then 1.6 pounds the next week. My body finally decided to listen and I achieved my goal Dec. 30th... perfect way to end the year!
When I lose certain amounts or a percentage of weight I pick out a non-food reward to give myself, it gives me something to look forward to and pushes me to my next goal. I have rewarded myself with new clothes, cutting and coloring my hair, going to a movie I want to see. All things I have enjoyed along the way. For my 50 pound goal I wanted to reward myself with 2 pairs of boots to wear. I was so excited on Black Friday as I had bought them and could not wait to wear them. Well, you just read about my up and down struggles and it took me 4 and a half weeks to get to where I could actually wear the boots. Believe me, it came at perfect timing, my feet were freezing on these windy, cold nights. Opening up those boxes felt like opening a Christmas gift, I just couldn't wait to wear them! They are so fun to wear and are such a great reminder of the achievements I have made so far... now to choose my 75 pound reward.
When we lose certain amounts we get recognized in our meetings and are then asked to share one thing we have learned so far that has helped us get there. I love this question because it truly shows an insight to the people I have learned to love and look forward to seeing every week. I was so excited to share what I had learned and that is what I want to share with you. I want you guys to know how amazing my experience has been. I was truly fighting back the tears when I came home on Tuesday, I was able to take time to reflect on myself and who I have become. I have learned to love myself for everything inside and out. That person is wonderful and I love her so much! Now to clarify, I have loved myself for a very long time, I had to learn that at a young age, so please don't think that I never thought good of myself before now. I have just uncovered a lot of greatness that was hiding behind all that fat.
I used to watch The Biggest Loser and roll my eyes every time they said that emotional weight needed to be ridded for physical weight to leave. I thought this was the biggest crock of bull, and thought that losing weight was strictly physical. Well let me tell ya, weight comes in more than one form. I have truly seen myself change and become more confident as I have let the emotional weight leave me. I have truly seen a transformation within myself that is remarkable.
I used to care so much about what others thought of me. I constantly thought of others critiquing me the second they saw me. They would look at my hair, my body shape, my clothes or my make up and think "poor thing, she can't even get herself prettied up." I would see them critiquing my social skills, my spirituality, my personality, the way the way I stood, the way I ate, the way I did anything. I felt highly insecure. The first time I joined WW I wanted to look good for men, I wanted to become dateable. Well, let me tell you... you should never lose weight for someone else! You won't do it for the right reasons and you will most likely fail at your attempt. When I walked into the doors this last March, I knew that I wanted a change, but I was the only one that I could change for. I didn't want to become more dateable, I didn't want a modeling career, and I didn't want more attention. I just wanted to find the girl hiding behind the fat that held her in.
I am just so proud of myself and who I have become. I have truly learned about how important my role is here on Earth. I have learned how great my role is as a daughter of God. I have learned that I am capable of being confident in all I do. I am no longer as afraid of change as I used to be. I have learned that conquering a fear is remarkable. I have found an inner fitness lover who loves to run and enjoy the mental benefits of being active. I have learned that I can dress well, I can do my hair, I can do my makeup and look in the mirror to find a beautiful person. I find that I can look in the mirror at 6am and still find beauty. I have learned that I can ignore the critics, they have no effect on me. It is funny how they still appear in my life, but I just don't take what they think personally anymore. I have learned to love me at such a deep level!!!
This journey is just amazing and I am so excited to see what else is in store for me! I have a feeling that 2014 was my stepping stone to a great 2015! My life is full of promise and I just can't wait to see the adventures ahead!!!
