Being My Biggest Believer Because I Can Do Hard Things!

Oh man... I don't even know how to start or what to say. I have so much on my mind and I just don't know how to express all my thoughts into words. My life has just been beyond wonderful and I am just so grateful for the opportunity that this transformation has given me, the opportunity to find the true me, the confident me.

 

So, let's start off with some great news... I stepped on the scale on Tuesday and saw a number I had been dying to see, one that took me quite the struggle to get to. I am officially down 50.2 pounds since I first started WW at the beginning of March. This number was so big for me, it was a number that meant a change I had yet to achieve. The first time I did WW I gave up right before reaching 50 pounds lost, I struggled and kept bouncing at the scale, I would gain more than I could lose. Well this time I still struggled and boy it was hard! I made it though... I conquered the battle of getting over that big hill! The week before Thanksgiving I was 1.6 pounds away from reaching 50 pounds lost. I thought to myself, "no big deal, I can lose that in 2 weeks." I knew I was going to join a gym soon, it was getting harder for me to run in the colder weather, so that would boost my weight loss. Well, I did not lose the first week, which was expected. I had kicked up my workouts and started resistance training. With this came an added muscle gain, so I gained 1.8 pounds, totally expected but, I then expected a huge loss the next week. So, I lost 2.2 pounds but, gained the next week, lost then gained and man I was not happy. With the help of my WW leader, we came up with a plan to trick my body into losing again. The body hates losing weight, it makes the mind think that you are dying and goes into survival mode, hence the yo-yo of weight. We decided to add one cheat meal and increase my protein to fuel the muscle I am gaining. (That was a tricky thing for me, I am not a huge meat eater, and had to find some other forms of protein to enjoy.) So we went on with this plan and it worked! I lost 1.4 pounds the first week and then 1.6 pounds the next week. My body finally decided to listen and I achieved my goal Dec. 30th... perfect way to end the year!

 

When I lose certain amounts or a percentage of weight I pick out a non-food reward to give myself, it gives me something to look forward to and pushes me to my next goal. I have rewarded myself with new clothes, cutting and coloring my hair, going to a movie I want to see. All things I have enjoyed along the way. For my 50 pound goal I wanted to reward myself with 2 pairs of boots to wear. I was so excited on Black Friday as I had bought them and could not wait to wear them. Well, you just read about my up and down struggles and it took me 4 and a half weeks to get to where I could actually wear the boots. Believe me, it came at perfect timing, my feet were freezing on these windy, cold nights. Opening up those boxes felt like opening a Christmas gift, I just couldn't wait to wear them! They are so fun to wear and are such a great reminder of the achievements I have made so far... now to choose my 75 pound reward.

 

When we lose certain amounts we get recognized in our meetings and are then asked to share one thing we have learned so far that has helped us get there. I love this question because it truly shows an insight to the people I have learned to love and look forward to seeing every week. I was so excited to share what I had learned and that is what I want to share with you. I want you guys to know how amazing my experience has been. I was truly fighting back the tears when I came home on Tuesday, I was able to take time to reflect on myself and who I have become. I have learned to love myself for everything inside and out. That person is wonderful and I love her so much! Now to clarify, I have loved myself for a very long time, I had to learn that at a young age, so please don't think that I never thought good of myself before now. I have just uncovered a lot of greatness that was hiding behind all that fat.

 

I used to watch The Biggest Loser and roll my eyes every time they said that emotional weight needed to be ridded for physical weight to leave. I thought this was the biggest crock of bull, and thought that losing weight was strictly physical. Well let me tell ya, weight comes in more than one form. I have truly seen myself change and become more confident as I have let the emotional weight leave me. I have truly seen a transformation within myself that is remarkable.

 

I used to care so much about what others thought of me. I constantly thought of others critiquing me the second they saw me. They would look at my hair, my body shape,  my clothes or my make up and think "poor thing, she can't even get herself prettied up." I would see them critiquing my social skills, my spirituality, my personality, the way the way I stood, the way I ate, the way I did anything. I felt highly insecure. The first time I joined WW I wanted to look good for men, I wanted to become dateable. Well, let me tell you... you should never lose weight for someone else! You won't do it for the right reasons and you will most likely fail at your attempt. When I walked into the doors this last March, I knew that I wanted a change, but I was the only one that I could change for. I didn't want to become more dateable, I didn't want a modeling career, and I didn't want more attention. I just wanted to find the girl hiding behind the fat that held her in.

 

I am just so proud of myself and who I have become. I have truly learned about how important my role is here on Earth. I have learned how great my role is as a daughter of God. I have learned that I am capable of being confident in all I do. I am no longer as afraid of change as I used to be. I have learned that conquering a fear is remarkable. I have found an inner fitness lover who loves to run and enjoy the mental benefits of being active. I have learned that I can dress well, I can do my hair, I can do my makeup and look in the mirror to find a beautiful person. I find that I can look in the mirror at 6am and still find beauty. I have learned that I can ignore the critics, they have no effect on me. It is funny how they still appear in my life, but I just don't take what they think personally anymore. I have learned to love me at such a deep level!!!

 

This journey is just amazing and I am so excited to see what else is in store for me! I have a feeling that 2014 was my stepping stone to a great 2015! My life is full of promise and I just can't wait to see the adventures ahead!!!

Putting The Plan In Place...

Today I am sitting here at Intermountain Medical Center with my grandma, that means I have some time to post here. To answer any question, my grandma took a fall and broke her tib/fib bones right above her ankle. She is doing well and we are all hoping for the best recovery for her.

 Now, let's talk about my current progress on my healthy journey. I am currently sitting at a loss of 34.4 pounds. I am super excited about that! I have made a lot of progress, especially in just simple everyday things. I find myself being more aware of what I am eating, being more proactive about planning my workouts into my daily schedules, and just being more aware of my body, like listening to it cues of thirst versus hunger. I have dropped pant and shirt sizes and am loving the ability to buy new and cute clothes! I did measurements the other day, I have lost about 20 inches overall... so there is some great progress!

I am so excited about the above improvements... but I did hit one little bump and am now putting a plan into place. I was really hoping to get on the scale and see the magic number of 35 pounds lost. See... the week prior, I hopped on the scale and lost 34.4 pounds... so this means I did not lose or gain anything this week, I maintained. It has been well over 2 months since I have not lost something at the scale. I knew this day would come and I knew I needed a plan to keep me motivated versus discouraged. It is now time to put the plan in place.

So, what is the plan? The plan consists of focusing on other victories, or as I like to call them, non-scale victories. Remember the moments I shared a couple of paragraphs ago? There are some prime examples of some of my non-scale victories. I actually feel more accomplished when I look at those victories. Yes, I love to see the numbers on the scale decrease, but that is not my main goal. My main goal is to gain a healthier lifestyle. One that can help me take advantage of all that life has to offer. I would rather be 175 pounds, fit and tone, then 140 pounds and not active. I do know that exercise is only about 10% of losing weight, while diet is 90%, but there are so many other benefits of exercise. Exercise has so many health benefits... the heart works better, bones are stronger, you have more energy, your mental health is greatly improved, and so much more! So, there is my focus... I am doing so good and I have improved tremendously on this journey. I have no reason for being upset or sad about not reaching 35 pounds yet, it will happen in due time. Sometimes your body needs to pause for a minute, it needs to adjust to a new level before pushing forward.

Life has been great! I have so much to be thankful for! Til next time!!!

The Carli Project... What Do I See?

Oh time... where do you go? Life has been so busy lately! It has been quite some time since I have blogged and I have so much to share. I have been busy in such a good way and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The other day I received a text from my mom, a text that has left me thinking for the past week about my life and what I am accomplishing in my life. This text stated that my mom had just ran into my ex's mother. Now, I am not one to talk about my past relationships in forums like this. I feel like that relationship is one I learned a lot from and am more grateful for the things I learned and the pain I went through, then being sad that it ended. So, when I received this text I immediately called my mom to not ask for info she received, but to ask what info was shared about me. The info that was shared was exactly what I want people to know about me, what I hope people who interact with me see in me.

My weight loss/healthier life journey has been the most amazing thing to happen to me. I have had so much joy and happiness brought into my life in the last few months. I have truly grown to love myself and most importantly I am learning to love my life! This is exactly what was shared by my mom, I am loving my life! My life is better than I could ask for and I am so grateful for the time I have to make myself the best me! I am loving where I live, my roommate, my landlord, and my ward. I am loving my job so much right now! I am excited to start school again and grow my knowledge. I am loving the time I get to spend with my family and friends, the time I get to make our relationships richer and deeper. I am loving the chance I get to become healthier and to really see myself conquering a thing I feared I could never do. It is kind of silly how powerful I feel because I have been conquering this struggle in my life, but I am so dang proud of myself! I am my biggest cheerleader... and that is my secret to success... I am cheering myself on every single moment!

So... how is my journey going? Well... I am glad you asked! I am doing so well! I reached a great milestone today! I am officially under 250 lbs and have lost over 33 lbs since the beginning of March. I feel the lifestyle change I am trying to achieve happening. I am back to running and boy did I miss it! I had to take some time off due to an IT band injury. I am loving the "runner's high" so much! When I run, I feel as though I have just had a free therapy session because it is so mind clearing. I am just feeling so much more like a live everyday to its fullest person, versus the person that is living day to day. I know I will hit my bumps in the road, but I am ready to hit them, I have planned my attacks when they hit. I am just loving my journey!

Life is so good! I am so happy and I just love it! I am living a life that others in my life never had an opportunity to live, so maybe I feel as though I need to live it to the fullest for them. I am okay with not being married and having kids right now... I love that I have grown to love myself so much! This will only benefit me in my future relationships. My time will come... I am not the typical LDS girl this way... I am not dying to get married. I know that a husband and children will bring me lots of joy in my life, but it is not the only source of happiness in the world. I am enjoying all the happiness life has to offer me now. OK... I guess I am getting a little carried away... so I will end my rant now. I am just loving life so much and I just really wanted to share that joy with you!

Til next time!

Who do I depend on?

I have been pondering lately on why I have chosen to take this path again. I do not question why I am doing this, that has been made very clear to me and I am beyond ready to make the changes that are necessary for me to live a long, healthy life. The question I tend to ponder... Why I am I taking this path alone this time? Last time I joined WW, it was on the spur of the moment, I don't even think I knew I was going to do it the night before. My mom, sister and grandma were joining and I just thought I would give WW a try. Funny thing was, I was the one who ended up staying the longest out of us four. I loved going with them, but I also loved going on my own. I really learned that I can be just as much of a support and pusher on myself than that of others. I am truly my biggest critic, but I am also my biggest supporter. If anyone knows what I am truly capable, it is me!

 

Well here I am, attending meetings by myself again. I am truly finding my power of control again. Has this been an easy transition for me? NO WAY!!! I am having more struggles this time and I am truly finding it hard to readjust to this lifestyle, but I also am remembering that I will not wake up changed because I want to. I will have to work hard and it will take time, but it will come. One of the reasons I chose WW was the basis that you are not dieting, but making a lifestyle change. I have really tried to make this clear to others... I am not limited on what foods I can eat, everything is an option, but I may choose to pass up one indulgence so that I may indulge in something I would enjoy more. Let me say it one more time... I am not on a diet!!!

I am learning quickly how much I have to depend on myself. I am the only one who can make the changes in my life. You cannot tell me to go and exercise after work or to not eat that extra slice of pizza that night. It simply does not work that way. As I mentioned earlier, I am learning more about finding my power of control lately, just in myself. I am the only one who can truly tell myself that walking around the block instead of a nap is a better choice. I am the only one that can say that I need to pass on the candy bowl at work and that the candy is SO not worth the points.

I know this journey is truly one that I will take on my own, with the support of others behind me. I know that I am truly the only one in control of myself and my choices. I am going to do this and I am going to become a healthier person because of it.

In other news... I reached my first weight loss goal today! I have officially lost over 10 lbs as of today! (I can't reveal my real number yet... I am in a biggest loser competition and don't want my competitors to feel bad ;)) I was very excited to see that number hit, especially since I have felt like crap this week.

Til next time!!!

The Reality of What I Saw and Feared...

Here I am, joining the blogging world again... but this is not what I anticipated blogging about. I had actually given up on blogging and really felt no importance of keeping it up. I do feel as though I do not want to share everything that happens in my life in such a public forum, I have private accounts and ways of sharing with my family and friends about my personal life. I am returning to the blogging world for a more important reason, and I secretly hope this reason will not only be inspiring to me, but to others as well.

A little over a year ago I was faced with some big bumps in the road. I don't feel it necessary to share all the details, but my life was pretty much flipped upside down. Everything I thought was going to happen didn't, the things I never expected to happen did. I really struggled... I had felt as though I was living the phrase "when it rains, it pours" to more than its fullest. Well, with all of the things happening in my life, I had a lot of stress in my life! What happens when you have a lot of stress in your life? Well let me show you how I dealt with my stress. 

 

This is me about 2 years ago.

Here are some recent pictures of me within the last few months.

 Well folks, I sure did undo all my hard work and effort I put forth to lose weight and become healthier. I gained all the weight I had lost back, plus more.

 

 I have had some big reality checks in my life lately and I know I need to make some drastic changes in my life now! I have noticed simple things like my energy level and ambition diminish lately. I feared being diagnosed with scary things like diabetes or hypertension. I have noticed a great increase in my GERD/acid reflux. Also, my big scare moment was stepping on a scale and seeing a number I had never seen in my entire life... 281.8 lbs... that is the heaviest I have ever been. Most of all, I just don't feel like myself!

 

I have decided to join Weight Watchers again, as I know that this program works for me. I lost close to 50 pounds before I quit last time. I am excited to start this program again! I know that it is a doable program and there is so much to benefit from it. I was recently talking to my doctor about weight loss and she was really emphasizing on picking something that would focus more on losing around 2 pound a week. The point being that if you lose it at that rate, you are making lifestyle changes that are doable and livable for more than a short amount of time. It is also healthier for you. Weight Watchers is meant to lose at this rate, they have the same beliefs as my doctor on losing it and keeping it off.

 

*Note: this is the program that works best for me. I am not saying this is the program for everyone and that Weight Watchers is the only program that works. This is the program I am using along with help from other bloggers and medical professionals. This being said, most of this blog will focus on my journey through Weight Watchers. I encourage those joining my journey to do what works best for them, I want to see success in you!

 

I will be updating this blog with my journey to a healthier me, truly becoming someone I never thought I could be. I have never been able to truly picture myself as a skinnier and healthier girl. I cannot wait to help inspire myself and others along this journey!

A Quarter of a Century Already???

Oh my goodness!!! I have been one good slacker on the blog end of life, but I guess my life has been busy! Oh the things I need to share... I have had such an amazing transformation in life... and I felt so inspired to share! So hopefully, I will have more time to share and write down my experiences. For now... it is my 25th birthday, which means... you get to learn 25 random facts about me! So here we go...

1. This year I am officially half my Dad's age! It's crazy to think that my Dad was my age when he had his first child! Shhh... don't tell him I revealed his age!
2. My favorite movie of all times is "10 Things I Hate About You!" I love Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles... I cried the day Heath died... he is an amazing actor!
3. I was the first kiss for the guy who gave me my first kiss... we were inexperienced together, and it makes for a great story! Oh, we were also 24 and 26... so no young love on the playground!
4. I am super excited to be the maid of honor for my best friend and cousin, Clarissa! I love her to death! We have the best times together and I cannot wait to see her marry Joe... they are so happy together!
5. I have started a bucket list and am striving to check things off. I was able to check a big item off by overcoming a fear of mine! I also look forward to adding another check when I see Air Supply with my amazing best friend Melanie!
6. I am becoming more and more obsessed with nail polish... I am finding that when I have painted finger nails, the kids at work, especially the girls, tend to enjoy it and warm up to me more!
7. I have always been a pickier eater and have really struggled with certain foods, but as I have gotten older and lived on my own, I have learned to tolerate certain foods I use to hate!
8. I have recently obsessed with the show "The Vampire Diaries!" I am so sucked in that I watched 3 seasons in just over a month... which is a lot for the girl who rarely watched TV shows!
9. I used to live in the apartment right next to my best friend, Melanie! I loved it and miss it so much! What an amazing experience that was... She is an amazing friend!
10. My whole view and focus with the gospel has been deepened so much the last few months! My testimony is amazing and I can really say that I am truly grateful for the trials that bombarded my life, for without them, my life would have never changed in this way!
11. I now officially reside in Murray... and I love it! Newer apartments with nicer amenities are always a plus to move into!
12. As much as I love my job and the joy I receive from taking care of sick children, I have decided that I no longer want to be a RN. I see where the healthcare field is heading the next few years, and I do not want to be permanently stuck in this field!
13. A crazy little quirk about me? All the clothes in my closet must face the same way and certain clothes go on certain hangers... it will bug me if anything is differed!
14. My curio cabinet is half full of Kasey Kahne items, like cars and figurines! Can we say that I like Kasey? He is one fine man!!!
15. My favorite feature of my face is my eyes! I love the color they have, and it seems to change from time to time!
16. I have colored my hair back to my natural color, but I continue to color it because I, at the ripe old age of 25, have grey hairs! I have had them since I was 21!
17. I hate scary movies! I do not do well with suspense... I remember seeing "The Grudge" in high school and not being able to sleep for days!
18. I get red easily... get me giggling and my face goes bright red! I also turn red when stressed or mad!
19. I am not a good liar... I always give away my lies by laughing or just spitting out the truth! I have always had a problem with liars and never liked them, probably the reason why I am not a good liar!
20. The greatest fear I overcame? Guns! I have always been afraid of guns, especially the loud noises they make! Now... I love to shoot and can't wait to go out again!
21. I still sleep on a twin bed... and no I don't enjoy it! One day, hopefully sooner than later, I will own a nice, comfy queen bed!
22. I am very possessive of my pens! As most people in the healthcare field can attest... pens are a necessary item and if left unsupervised... they can disappear quickly!
23. I play Bunco with a group of awesome ladies every month... this is probably the night I get the loudest and craziest! I have had so many moments of full on laughs that I love!
24. I bought a smart phone this last year for the first time... I don't know how I lived without one for so long! I love it so much!!!
25. I have grown to love holidays, especially Christmas! I love to decorate and get in the spirit!

There you have it! 25 more random facts about me! I will strive harder to be better at blogging! Life is going so well! I know too... that it will get better!

I Really Need To Be Better At This... Salt Lake Is Sucking Me In!!!

Ok... so apparently I am becoming an utter failure at blogging! I was doing so good and then I moved and didn't have access to the internet and then I move and have access but still can't kick my butt in gear to blog again! I really need to, since I struggle to write in a journal, I need to blog more to have at least something similar to a journal. So... here I go... attempt number (unknown)! Life has been so crazy lately! Which I guess is a good thing because I am becoming quite the social butterfly! For those of you that do not know, I moved out on my own last November. I first moved to a cute little townhouse in Magna and shared it with two girls, then in May, I had the opportunity to move a lot closer to work. So here I am, a resident of good ol' Salt Lake City! I love living in SLC!!! I am so close to work, fun and much more! I love my apartment to death... I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and share it with my awesome roommate Kamie! To answer the question of how we know each other... we worked together at IMC on the Maternity Unit for a few months... it has been a long time since we worked together, but I am so excited to have her join me in SLC! I really feel that Salt Lake is the place for me! I have felt ok in other places, but I have felt so much at home here... I really don't picture myself anywhere else. Here are some pics of my cute little apartment... that I just love!!!

This is the dining area that is just off of the living room and kitchen!

This is the living room... it looks super bare, but this is an older picture.  Now we have a treadmill, dvd's and a newer television there.

This is the kitchen, excuse the pile of dishes there! We have no dishwasher, so we wash everything by hand, which really isn't that bad!

Another shot of the kitchen... I love it! The kitchen I had in Magna was probably half this size, so I enjoy this one much more! I can actually cook and have counters to do so!

The bathroom, it's smaller, but I would have this small bathroom any day  if it included the next photo!

The vanity, my favorite part of the apt!!! I can get ready while someone is in the shower and vice versa... this area is pretty spacious as well!

My bedroom, this is a horrible shot. I don't think you can see how big my room really is from here. I can lay on the floor on both sides of my bed comfortably.

My walk-in closet... this is a close 2nd in favorite spots! I love it! As you can see... I store a lot of stuff in there because it is so big!

There you go... my sweet little abode in Salt Lake! I love living here! I am on my own and independent, which is such an amazing feeling! I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have myself established and on my own!