Who do I depend on?

I have been pondering lately on why I have chosen to take this path again. I do not question why I am doing this, that has been made very clear to me and I am beyond ready to make the changes that are necessary for me to live a long, healthy life. The question I tend to ponder... Why I am I taking this path alone this time? Last time I joined WW, it was on the spur of the moment, I don't even think I knew I was going to do it the night before. My mom, sister and grandma were joining and I just thought I would give WW a try. Funny thing was, I was the one who ended up staying the longest out of us four. I loved going with them, but I also loved going on my own. I really learned that I can be just as much of a support and pusher on myself than that of others. I am truly my biggest critic, but I am also my biggest supporter. If anyone knows what I am truly capable, it is me!

 

Well here I am, attending meetings by myself again. I am truly finding my power of control again. Has this been an easy transition for me? NO WAY!!! I am having more struggles this time and I am truly finding it hard to readjust to this lifestyle, but I also am remembering that I will not wake up changed because I want to. I will have to work hard and it will take time, but it will come. One of the reasons I chose WW was the basis that you are not dieting, but making a lifestyle change. I have really tried to make this clear to others... I am not limited on what foods I can eat, everything is an option, but I may choose to pass up one indulgence so that I may indulge in something I would enjoy more. Let me say it one more time... I am not on a diet!!!

I am learning quickly how much I have to depend on myself. I am the only one who can make the changes in my life. You cannot tell me to go and exercise after work or to not eat that extra slice of pizza that night. It simply does not work that way. As I mentioned earlier, I am learning more about finding my power of control lately, just in myself. I am the only one who can truly tell myself that walking around the block instead of a nap is a better choice. I am the only one that can say that I need to pass on the candy bowl at work and that the candy is SO not worth the points.

I know this journey is truly one that I will take on my own, with the support of others behind me. I know that I am truly the only one in control of myself and my choices. I am going to do this and I am going to become a healthier person because of it.

In other news... I reached my first weight loss goal today! I have officially lost over 10 lbs as of today! (I can't reveal my real number yet... I am in a biggest loser competition and don't want my competitors to feel bad ;)) I was very excited to see that number hit, especially since I have felt like crap this week.

Til next time!!!

The Reality of What I Saw and Feared...

Here I am, joining the blogging world again... but this is not what I anticipated blogging about. I had actually given up on blogging and really felt no importance of keeping it up. I do feel as though I do not want to share everything that happens in my life in such a public forum, I have private accounts and ways of sharing with my family and friends about my personal life. I am returning to the blogging world for a more important reason, and I secretly hope this reason will not only be inspiring to me, but to others as well.

A little over a year ago I was faced with some big bumps in the road. I don't feel it necessary to share all the details, but my life was pretty much flipped upside down. Everything I thought was going to happen didn't, the things I never expected to happen did. I really struggled... I had felt as though I was living the phrase "when it rains, it pours" to more than its fullest. Well, with all of the things happening in my life, I had a lot of stress in my life! What happens when you have a lot of stress in your life? Well let me show you how I dealt with my stress. 

 

This is me about 2 years ago.

Here are some recent pictures of me within the last few months.

 Well folks, I sure did undo all my hard work and effort I put forth to lose weight and become healthier. I gained all the weight I had lost back, plus more.

 

 I have had some big reality checks in my life lately and I know I need to make some drastic changes in my life now! I have noticed simple things like my energy level and ambition diminish lately. I feared being diagnosed with scary things like diabetes or hypertension. I have noticed a great increase in my GERD/acid reflux. Also, my big scare moment was stepping on a scale and seeing a number I had never seen in my entire life... 281.8 lbs... that is the heaviest I have ever been. Most of all, I just don't feel like myself!

 

I have decided to join Weight Watchers again, as I know that this program works for me. I lost close to 50 pounds before I quit last time. I am excited to start this program again! I know that it is a doable program and there is so much to benefit from it. I was recently talking to my doctor about weight loss and she was really emphasizing on picking something that would focus more on losing around 2 pound a week. The point being that if you lose it at that rate, you are making lifestyle changes that are doable and livable for more than a short amount of time. It is also healthier for you. Weight Watchers is meant to lose at this rate, they have the same beliefs as my doctor on losing it and keeping it off.

 

*Note: this is the program that works best for me. I am not saying this is the program for everyone and that Weight Watchers is the only program that works. This is the program I am using along with help from other bloggers and medical professionals. This being said, most of this blog will focus on my journey through Weight Watchers. I encourage those joining my journey to do what works best for them, I want to see success in you!

 

I will be updating this blog with my journey to a healthier me, truly becoming someone I never thought I could be. I have never been able to truly picture myself as a skinnier and healthier girl. I cannot wait to help inspire myself and others along this journey!