A New Way To Look At Life!!!

I must say that the beginning of this week was pretty darn rotten and hard! I was really struggling with life and what it had given me at the moment. I was upset that I was single and have been unsuccessful in relationships, I had this feeling of an impending doom of singleness... and it really bothered me. I also starting thinking about friends and of course... with me being down... I felt that I had no friends and that nobody wants to be my friend. I was feeling really bitter about the changes they had made in my singles ward, I was hoping for a ward split and that didn't happen. I just really felt like an awkward outcast in life and that I really wasn't needed by anyone. Life was just hard!!!

Well, let me tell about today... Today was a much better day! It was Fast Sunday... and I really wanted to be more content and happy with the way my life is going... so I fasted about this. Usually I don't feel or see instant results from my fast, but Today I did. I am so content with life at the moment! The way my ward made changes was amazing! I felt like I could socialize comfortably and really enjoy myself! I was talking to one of my cousin's last night at a family party and she mentioned to me about my post last week and how I had stated this... "I realized I could do this, and the only one that could change it for myself was me!...I was at a point that I knew that I could continue on and do well... so here I am, starting with a new drive! I deserve this, I deserve a good life, a happy life! The only way I am going to be happy is myself! I will never receive full happiness from others... I have to be happy with myself first!" Well, let me be honest with you... I don't remember posting this at all. I remember posting things about change and being happy, but I don't remember using the words I did and didn't realize how much I wrote. I guess I just got typing away without even thinking about what I was saying.

This really hit me hard when I went to bed. You know how when you are sitting in your bed waiting to go to bed, but you can't because your mind is going a million miles and hour... that was me last night. I just kept thinking about how much I control my life and the happiness it brings to me. I realized that the pity party I was throwing myself into at the beginning of the week was beyond not worth it! I have had this renewed sense of life being ok and not just ok... but great!

I know that I am at one of the greatest times of life and I need to enjoy every moment of it! Here I have the grand opportunity to go to school and accomplish my greatest dream of becoming a Nurse. I am able to go with my friends on a whims notice and I am able to have fun with them without worrying about kids or a husband. I can travel places and just enjoy myself! I can just have fun! I do have the ultimate goal of finding a husband and becoming a mom, but until that happens, I am going to have fun and enjoy myself. I am not going to pity myself because I am single. Life is great for me at the moment because I am making it that way, not anyone else!



I couldn't finish this post without a picture. So I chose a picture of what I feel helps me out at times. I am never alone, when I can't stand to bear it, he is there to carry me along!


The Shrinking of Carli
This week was a rough week for me at the scales as well. It kind of just added to the mess of me breaking down. I gained to most amount of weight since I have started. I was very upset with myself about this, and I wanted to blame it all on me not exercising as much... but that wasn't the only factor. So to explain the no exercise... I have some plantar warts that are awful and bad... so at the moment, my Podiatrist has me putting acid on them daily to burn them off, well it isn't suppose to hurt, but the fresh skin underneath is really tender and it really hurts to walk on them... so that beat out running as well. Well, I shouldn't have used that excuse! I also ate really bad as well... I think I had chocolate every day and not just a little. I found these oreos that have peanut butter on them and are coated in chocolate and man are they good! But... they are so bad!!! Sadly, I ate a whole package in one day! Shame on me, but I am on a much better track this week and have started exercising comfortably again. So let's hope next week is amazing!

Week 19- I gained 1.8 lbs this week. My total weight loss so far is 28.4 lbs.