The Reality of What I Saw and Feared...

Here I am, joining the blogging world again... but this is not what I anticipated blogging about. I had actually given up on blogging and really felt no importance of keeping it up. I do feel as though I do not want to share everything that happens in my life in such a public forum, I have private accounts and ways of sharing with my family and friends about my personal life. I am returning to the blogging world for a more important reason, and I secretly hope this reason will not only be inspiring to me, but to others as well.

A little over a year ago I was faced with some big bumps in the road. I don't feel it necessary to share all the details, but my life was pretty much flipped upside down. Everything I thought was going to happen didn't, the things I never expected to happen did. I really struggled... I had felt as though I was living the phrase "when it rains, it pours" to more than its fullest. Well, with all of the things happening in my life, I had a lot of stress in my life! What happens when you have a lot of stress in your life? Well let me show you how I dealt with my stress. 

 

This is me about 2 years ago.

Here are some recent pictures of me within the last few months.

 Well folks, I sure did undo all my hard work and effort I put forth to lose weight and become healthier. I gained all the weight I had lost back, plus more.

 

 I have had some big reality checks in my life lately and I know I need to make some drastic changes in my life now! I have noticed simple things like my energy level and ambition diminish lately. I feared being diagnosed with scary things like diabetes or hypertension. I have noticed a great increase in my GERD/acid reflux. Also, my big scare moment was stepping on a scale and seeing a number I had never seen in my entire life... 281.8 lbs... that is the heaviest I have ever been. Most of all, I just don't feel like myself!

 

I have decided to join Weight Watchers again, as I know that this program works for me. I lost close to 50 pounds before I quit last time. I am excited to start this program again! I know that it is a doable program and there is so much to benefit from it. I was recently talking to my doctor about weight loss and she was really emphasizing on picking something that would focus more on losing around 2 pound a week. The point being that if you lose it at that rate, you are making lifestyle changes that are doable and livable for more than a short amount of time. It is also healthier for you. Weight Watchers is meant to lose at this rate, they have the same beliefs as my doctor on losing it and keeping it off.

 

*Note: this is the program that works best for me. I am not saying this is the program for everyone and that Weight Watchers is the only program that works. This is the program I am using along with help from other bloggers and medical professionals. This being said, most of this blog will focus on my journey through Weight Watchers. I encourage those joining my journey to do what works best for them, I want to see success in you!

 

I will be updating this blog with my journey to a healthier me, truly becoming someone I never thought I could be. I have never been able to truly picture myself as a skinnier and healthier girl. I cannot wait to help inspire myself and others along this journey!

A Quarter of a Century Already???

Oh my goodness!!! I have been one good slacker on the blog end of life, but I guess my life has been busy! Oh the things I need to share... I have had such an amazing transformation in life... and I felt so inspired to share! So hopefully, I will have more time to share and write down my experiences. For now... it is my 25th birthday, which means... you get to learn 25 random facts about me! So here we go...

1. This year I am officially half my Dad's age! It's crazy to think that my Dad was my age when he had his first child! Shhh... don't tell him I revealed his age!
2. My favorite movie of all times is "10 Things I Hate About You!" I love Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles... I cried the day Heath died... he is an amazing actor!
3. I was the first kiss for the guy who gave me my first kiss... we were inexperienced together, and it makes for a great story! Oh, we were also 24 and 26... so no young love on the playground!
4. I am super excited to be the maid of honor for my best friend and cousin, Clarissa! I love her to death! We have the best times together and I cannot wait to see her marry Joe... they are so happy together!
5. I have started a bucket list and am striving to check things off. I was able to check a big item off by overcoming a fear of mine! I also look forward to adding another check when I see Air Supply with my amazing best friend Melanie!
6. I am becoming more and more obsessed with nail polish... I am finding that when I have painted finger nails, the kids at work, especially the girls, tend to enjoy it and warm up to me more!
7. I have always been a pickier eater and have really struggled with certain foods, but as I have gotten older and lived on my own, I have learned to tolerate certain foods I use to hate!
8. I have recently obsessed with the show "The Vampire Diaries!" I am so sucked in that I watched 3 seasons in just over a month... which is a lot for the girl who rarely watched TV shows!
9. I used to live in the apartment right next to my best friend, Melanie! I loved it and miss it so much! What an amazing experience that was... She is an amazing friend!
10. My whole view and focus with the gospel has been deepened so much the last few months! My testimony is amazing and I can really say that I am truly grateful for the trials that bombarded my life, for without them, my life would have never changed in this way!
11. I now officially reside in Murray... and I love it! Newer apartments with nicer amenities are always a plus to move into!
12. As much as I love my job and the joy I receive from taking care of sick children, I have decided that I no longer want to be a RN. I see where the healthcare field is heading the next few years, and I do not want to be permanently stuck in this field!
13. A crazy little quirk about me? All the clothes in my closet must face the same way and certain clothes go on certain hangers... it will bug me if anything is differed!
14. My curio cabinet is half full of Kasey Kahne items, like cars and figurines! Can we say that I like Kasey? He is one fine man!!!
15. My favorite feature of my face is my eyes! I love the color they have, and it seems to change from time to time!
16. I have colored my hair back to my natural color, but I continue to color it because I, at the ripe old age of 25, have grey hairs! I have had them since I was 21!
17. I hate scary movies! I do not do well with suspense... I remember seeing "The Grudge" in high school and not being able to sleep for days!
18. I get red easily... get me giggling and my face goes bright red! I also turn red when stressed or mad!
19. I am not a good liar... I always give away my lies by laughing or just spitting out the truth! I have always had a problem with liars and never liked them, probably the reason why I am not a good liar!
20. The greatest fear I overcame? Guns! I have always been afraid of guns, especially the loud noises they make! Now... I love to shoot and can't wait to go out again!
21. I still sleep on a twin bed... and no I don't enjoy it! One day, hopefully sooner than later, I will own a nice, comfy queen bed!
22. I am very possessive of my pens! As most people in the healthcare field can attest... pens are a necessary item and if left unsupervised... they can disappear quickly!
23. I play Bunco with a group of awesome ladies every month... this is probably the night I get the loudest and craziest! I have had so many moments of full on laughs that I love!
24. I bought a smart phone this last year for the first time... I don't know how I lived without one for so long! I love it so much!!!
25. I have grown to love holidays, especially Christmas! I love to decorate and get in the spirit!

There you have it! 25 more random facts about me! I will strive harder to be better at blogging! Life is going so well! I know too... that it will get better!

I Really Need To Be Better At This... Salt Lake Is Sucking Me In!!!

Ok... so apparently I am becoming an utter failure at blogging! I was doing so good and then I moved and didn't have access to the internet and then I move and have access but still can't kick my butt in gear to blog again! I really need to, since I struggle to write in a journal, I need to blog more to have at least something similar to a journal. So... here I go... attempt number (unknown)! Life has been so crazy lately! Which I guess is a good thing because I am becoming quite the social butterfly! For those of you that do not know, I moved out on my own last November. I first moved to a cute little townhouse in Magna and shared it with two girls, then in May, I had the opportunity to move a lot closer to work. So here I am, a resident of good ol' Salt Lake City! I love living in SLC!!! I am so close to work, fun and much more! I love my apartment to death... I live in a 2 bedroom apartment and share it with my awesome roommate Kamie! To answer the question of how we know each other... we worked together at IMC on the Maternity Unit for a few months... it has been a long time since we worked together, but I am so excited to have her join me in SLC! I really feel that Salt Lake is the place for me! I have felt ok in other places, but I have felt so much at home here... I really don't picture myself anywhere else. Here are some pics of my cute little apartment... that I just love!!!

This is the dining area that is just off of the living room and kitchen!

This is the living room... it looks super bare, but this is an older picture.  Now we have a treadmill, dvd's and a newer television there.

This is the kitchen, excuse the pile of dishes there! We have no dishwasher, so we wash everything by hand, which really isn't that bad!

Another shot of the kitchen... I love it! The kitchen I had in Magna was probably half this size, so I enjoy this one much more! I can actually cook and have counters to do so!

The bathroom, it's smaller, but I would have this small bathroom any day  if it included the next photo!

The vanity, my favorite part of the apt!!! I can get ready while someone is in the shower and vice versa... this area is pretty spacious as well!

My bedroom, this is a horrible shot. I don't think you can see how big my room really is from here. I can lay on the floor on both sides of my bed comfortably.

My walk-in closet... this is a close 2nd in favorite spots! I love it! As you can see... I store a lot of stuff in there because it is so big!

There you go... my sweet little abode in Salt Lake! I love living here! I am on my own and independent, which is such an amazing feeling! I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to have myself established and on my own!

I Am Back!!! And... I Have 24 Random Facts For You!!!

Well, we meet again! It has been far too long since I have posted on here! Now that I have the internet, I am back in action, ready to blog again! So I thought I would give you another glimpse into my life, by giving you 24 random facts about me. Today is my 24th Birthday, man I am getting old! LOL... no I am enjoying my life... It sure is amazing! I have many things that have happened in the last few months that I am going to be sharing on here... so stay tuned!!! I think they are amazing things to share! Ok... so on with the 24 facts!

1. I have lived in three different locations in the past year, but I am thinking that where I am now, it the best so far!
2. I accomplished my first big sewing project on my own this year. I made a car seat canopy and blanket for my nephew that is adopted out. And must I say, on a biased note, that it is adorable!
3. I am now working up at Primary Children's Medical Center on the Rapid Treatment Unit! I love working with kids... they are awesome, but there are times I come home thinking to myself... I think I just got some free, non-chemical birth control today!
4. I have finished all my pre-reqs for Nursing School and have been patiently and hard workingly waiting to get into a program so I can be an RN!
5. I used to be the girl that could sleep in all time... not wake up till 10 or 11am, but now my body wakes me up by 8:30am most days!
6. I have self diagnosed myself with OCD at times... One of my crazy little quirks? When I make my bed, or anybody's bed actually... it is made with hospital corners, I think it makes the bed look a lot neater.
7. I get cold easily... I am usually wrapped in a blanket at home and love it!
8. I am a music snob at times... I really hate it when the bands I like go big! I hate when a musician can no longer be as personal with their fans, as when they were smaller and less known!
9. I went on my first trip alone this past year... I went to Alabama to visit my cousin and her adorable family! I loved every minute of it and want to go back so bad!
10. I have become pretty active in life and love to run! Which, I never thought I would enjoy! I have a goal to run a complete 5k this year!
11. I moved out on my own in November... and it has been the best thing! I truly love my indepence and appreciate my parents that much more!
12. I have a favorite brother and a favorite sister... and they know who they are! I guess since I only have one a piece... I am kind of forced to pick favorites!
13. I have truly learned throughout life and the trials I have been given, that a positive attitude makes all the difference! I strive to keep a positive attitude as much as possible.
14. I love jewelry and have learned to make a ton of things myself! I haven't bought jewelry for a couple of years now, because it is so much cheaper to make!
15. I have never broken a bone in my life!!! I am clumsy, but just not enough to get more than bumps and bruises from.
16. I love the $5 movie bin at Wal-Mart! I have become a movie buff and have found many treasures there!
17. I ride TRAX to work a lot... I used to be afraid of riding it, because I thought there were a lot of bums on there, but I was wrong, and I save a ton of gas riding it!
18. I am an avid couponer! I have a coupon binder and everything! I love watching the total go down as they scan my coupons in... it's very rewarding!
19. I have been a CNA for six years now... yes, I said six! It is a long time, but I have learned so much from being a CNA, that will be super helpful to know as an RN. I just know that I in due time, when it is suppose to happen, I will get into Nursing School.
20. I used to always have sound going on in the background, but I have learned to enjoy the peace and quite sometimes! I love just sitting and listening to all the natural sounds around me.
21. I have already picked out a reward for when I hit my goal and achieve my lifetime at Weight Watchers, I am going to buy a whole new wardrobe... with lots of fun cute clothes!
22. I am slowly becoming a little more green and earth friendly... I am not a freak, but I love to do my part to make the world a little more green and to continue it's beauty.
23. I have lived in Utah my whole life, but have never been skiing or snowboarding! I hope to one day learn to do one of these!
24. I have become very proud of my sister! And now she is my hero! I look up to her with amazement as I have seen her place a baby for adoption. She is AMAZING !!! I will post about this later, but she is a true example of a miraculous women!

There you have it! You now know 24 random facts about me! I can't wait to share more of my life, now that I have internet access! So stay tuned!

Computer Problems... GRRR...!!!

So I want to apologize for not posting yesterday. I am really trying to blog every Sunday night, but the internet on my computer is down and I cannot download any pictures. For my post I would love to put up pictures to help tell of the great adventures I had this week. So please forgive me and stay tuned for an updated blog post as soon as my computer works. In the meantime... let me give you an update on my weight loss.

The Shrinking of Carli
The last couple of weeks have been really quite well! I am finally feeling like I am back in the mindset of losing weight. I feel like it is something I can truly accomplish in a visible point in time. I am feeling the affects that it has truly had on my mood and attitude. It is funny to think that when I eat healthier and more strick... I tend to be in a better mood. Then the days I don't care about what I eat tend to be my bad days. I love this feeling because I want to strive to have a good mood and have now found one factor to help improve my mood. Well not much else to tell you... but here are my weekly totals.

Week 23- I lost a total of 0.8 lbs this week. My total lost so far is 31.6 lbs!
Week 24- I lost a total of 1.6 lbs this week. My total lost so far is 33.2 lbs!

The Word "Free" Comes With A Price... Maybe Not???

First, I need to apologize about being so slow and taking forever to update my blog. Life has been so hectic the last few weeks that I really never got a chance to sit down and update my blog, so I am sorry for all those who have been waiting for an update.

Let's continue on to my blog subject of the week. On Thursday, one of my favorite bands, Parachute, came in town to do a free show. That's right... a FREE show! It was so much fun! I had been dying to go to another concert, so I couldn't argue when I found out these guys were coming and I would be able to see them without spending a dime. So to explain the free concert, it was put on by a group called "Fight the New Drug." This group is out to educate people on the harmful affect of pornography, and how it is truly affect our community. I found the information they have VERY interesting, definitely something I support. So look them up at http://www.fightthenewdrug.com/. I promise that it is not a waste of time. The sad thing... Utah has the highest percentage of use of Internet pornography in the country. This just makes me sick! I hope with a little more education, we can fight this new addiction that is fastly taking a grip of our world. I have become a fighter and encourage you to join me, if you feel the same as I do. Sorry for the rant, but I feel so strong about this destruction that is ruining so many lives!

So about the concert... because the concert was free, so many people showed up. Some I don't think would have come if they had to pay. There were a few crazy and abnoxious teenagers there that thought it would be so much fun to rush the stage and do crazy things. I definantely learned my lesson on wanting to stand in the front. I don't think I will do that again. Will, the lead singer of Parachute, decided that he would try crowd surfing for the first time that night, must I say that he was insane! I was underneath him a few times and felt sorry for him and the way people would touch him and grab at him. I was talking with him after the show and he surely felt a little molested by the end of the night. I think that is the last time he will try that. Even though the crowd was crazy and rude at times, it was still one of the best shows of theirs, if not the best! I have been a fan of these guys for a long time and really enjoyed seeing them. Their new album is just amazing and I enjoyed hearing it live! So let's see what craziness their next show brings!

I did find some great new bands, as I always strive to do at concert. Opening acts are sometimes the best bands that I find. That is how I discovered Parachute. So I discovered two bands that are definitely worth checking out! First is the group named Damato. They are really good. The lead singer reminds me of a rocker Bruno Mars. And let's just say that they are pretty darn cute! The bassist definitely makes chest hair look fine... and I am not a chest hair kinda girl... just saying!!! The best find of the night goes to a local band named Allred! They are officially climbing higher on my charts every day! They are really good and very good eye candy as well! I was able to catch the drummer's drum stick at the concert and went over and talked to band for awhile. They are super cool and laid back! I kept looking at the drummer, whose name is Tanner, and thinking he looked so familiar... so after stirring over this for a while... I realized this guy goes to the majority of the concerts I go to and just after seeing him a few times, I began to always notice him. He also looks so much like my cousin Tim, that I instantly notice him. So, I really hope I run into him at more concerts, because he is just my type of guy!

Well, there is my spill on the concert and amazing guys... but I wanted to add some pictures to this blog to show something really cool. So, last time I saw Parachute was when I had just started Weight Watchers in January and I wanted to compare pictures with the same guy, Will. I wanted to see if I could tell a difference in the pictures... kinda like a before and after. What do you think? Is there a difference?

Here is my "before" picture taken in January.

Here is my "after" picture taken 5 months later.

The Shrinking of Carli
So the last few weeks have been full of ups and downs and I had really began to slack on trying to lose weight. Well after all the ups and downs, I sat down and put myself to the challenge of sticking to it as much as I had when I began. I have began to track every single thing I eat and am trying to exercise a lot more. I feel it helping me more. I feel my mood changing for the better and I feel healthier over all! I am at the lowest I have been since I quite Cold Stone Creamery 5 years ago. I feel this is a big accomplishment! Cold Stone helped me gain a lot of weight and lose a lot of confidence in myself. Well, I can now conquer one more barrier. Let's just hope that this week is a lot better and that I have great news for you!

Week 20- I lost 0.6 lbs this week. My total weight loss so far is 29 lbs.
Week 21- I lost 2.2 lbs this week. My total weight loss so far is 31.2 lbs.
Week 22- I gained 0.4 lbs this week. My total weight loss so far is 30.8 lbs.

A New Way To Look At Life!!!

I must say that the beginning of this week was pretty darn rotten and hard! I was really struggling with life and what it had given me at the moment. I was upset that I was single and have been unsuccessful in relationships, I had this feeling of an impending doom of singleness... and it really bothered me. I also starting thinking about friends and of course... with me being down... I felt that I had no friends and that nobody wants to be my friend. I was feeling really bitter about the changes they had made in my singles ward, I was hoping for a ward split and that didn't happen. I just really felt like an awkward outcast in life and that I really wasn't needed by anyone. Life was just hard!!!

Well, let me tell about today... Today was a much better day! It was Fast Sunday... and I really wanted to be more content and happy with the way my life is going... so I fasted about this. Usually I don't feel or see instant results from my fast, but Today I did. I am so content with life at the moment! The way my ward made changes was amazing! I felt like I could socialize comfortably and really enjoy myself! I was talking to one of my cousin's last night at a family party and she mentioned to me about my post last week and how I had stated this... "I realized I could do this, and the only one that could change it for myself was me!...I was at a point that I knew that I could continue on and do well... so here I am, starting with a new drive! I deserve this, I deserve a good life, a happy life! The only way I am going to be happy is myself! I will never receive full happiness from others... I have to be happy with myself first!" Well, let me be honest with you... I don't remember posting this at all. I remember posting things about change and being happy, but I don't remember using the words I did and didn't realize how much I wrote. I guess I just got typing away without even thinking about what I was saying.

This really hit me hard when I went to bed. You know how when you are sitting in your bed waiting to go to bed, but you can't because your mind is going a million miles and hour... that was me last night. I just kept thinking about how much I control my life and the happiness it brings to me. I realized that the pity party I was throwing myself into at the beginning of the week was beyond not worth it! I have had this renewed sense of life being ok and not just ok... but great!

I know that I am at one of the greatest times of life and I need to enjoy every moment of it! Here I have the grand opportunity to go to school and accomplish my greatest dream of becoming a Nurse. I am able to go with my friends on a whims notice and I am able to have fun with them without worrying about kids or a husband. I can travel places and just enjoy myself! I can just have fun! I do have the ultimate goal of finding a husband and becoming a mom, but until that happens, I am going to have fun and enjoy myself. I am not going to pity myself because I am single. Life is great for me at the moment because I am making it that way, not anyone else!



I couldn't finish this post without a picture. So I chose a picture of what I feel helps me out at times. I am never alone, when I can't stand to bear it, he is there to carry me along!


The Shrinking of Carli
This week was a rough week for me at the scales as well. It kind of just added to the mess of me breaking down. I gained to most amount of weight since I have started. I was very upset with myself about this, and I wanted to blame it all on me not exercising as much... but that wasn't the only factor. So to explain the no exercise... I have some plantar warts that are awful and bad... so at the moment, my Podiatrist has me putting acid on them daily to burn them off, well it isn't suppose to hurt, but the fresh skin underneath is really tender and it really hurts to walk on them... so that beat out running as well. Well, I shouldn't have used that excuse! I also ate really bad as well... I think I had chocolate every day and not just a little. I found these oreos that have peanut butter on them and are coated in chocolate and man are they good! But... they are so bad!!! Sadly, I ate a whole package in one day! Shame on me, but I am on a much better track this week and have started exercising comfortably again. So let's hope next week is amazing!

Week 19- I gained 1.8 lbs this week. My total weight loss so far is 28.4 lbs.